If you’ve been to one of my parties, recently, there’s no doubt you’ve heard one of my adorable little catchy phrases… I have to keep repeating them because the topic of self-pleasure comes up so frequently.
I know all the statistics around female orgasm and masturbation and while the percentage of women who have never experienced an orgasm is pretty shocking at nearly 40%, I think that’s a very low estimate. In my line of work, women talk to me about this subject often enough that I would be willing to bet it’s probably double that. How could we really know tho? The female orgasm isn’t something we can just “check our database” and get information on it… we’re relying on women, to be honest about something that’s embarrassing, if not shameful, to most. I’m here to tell you, it should be neither.
For most women, learning to orgasm begins with masturbation and for MANY of us, we have deep-rooted beliefs that masturbation is “dirty” or “wrong” or “bad” or even goes against religion. The most frustrating is religion. I encounter that negative belief more often than any others, probably because I’m in the buckle of the Bible Belt in Tulsa. But mostly because it’s often not even the belief of the woman I’m coaching; more often than not, it’s the belief of a parent or guardian figure in their lives. I think it’s frequently misunderstood by children when being told “Don’t touch that!” or “DO NOT DO THAT! It’s naughty!” Often a parent isn’t saying, “Don’t touch that” ever – they’re saying, “Good lord, CHILD! We’re in Target! Stop that!” I mean… Mom knows Target is a classy joint… Keep that kind of stuff at Wal-Mart. Everyone knows that.
When we think of that scenario, we frequently picture boys or men with a far off look in their eye, standing in the middle of Target, elbow deep in a pocket of khakis. If you’ve had children, especially little boys, you know this is a common occurrence and more often than not, it’s not even for sexual pleasure. I’m not even sure most are aware of what they’re doing… You see them “playing pocket pool” in public and you can tell by their expression, they’re thinking nothing sexual, really… Just “Hmm. I wonder what we’re having for dinner. I don’t even care what it is. I’m HUNGRY. Did I eat lunch?” I don’t know why, but I always have to make eye contact with the grown man doing this in public, just so I can tilt my head, smile and say, “Can you SEE me?” Like, “Cuz we can all see you…” Yes. I’m THAT girl.
I’m very jealous of men, the male brain, how it works… male anatomy, and how simple it is, in design. Why a woman’s “stuff” had to be installed under the chassis makes no sense to me, but it is what it is. Women are the most complicated and complex creatures, by design. The upside is that we can experience 9 different TYPES of orgasms and 3 different LEVELS of intensity – incredible facts – if the orgasm, itself weren’t so elusive! Let’s talk about how to actually experience an orgasm and then you’re well on your way! Some of these little tips might take some time for you to work through.
Here are some simple steps to a happy ending, but depending on how deep your negative feelings and beliefs go on this subject, you may have to wash, rinse, repeat until you get there! Please know I’m here if you need help or have questions or want to talk further on this subject! I have helped many women with this specific issue and I can help you too!
Look
I know this seems silly, but it’s so important to be fully aware of what you’re workin’ with! Plus, medically speaking, it’s vital that you know what your body looks like when it’s happy and healthy so you could tell your medical care provider if anything should ever be “off”.
Grab a handheld mirror, a bottle of wine, lock the bathroom door, make yourself comfy and just explore! Take a little look around. It’s yours, you own it outright and you should know the various parts of it. Make sure you can identify on yourself all of the parties on the diagram to the left. It’s not weird or awkward, it’s you. This is you.
Listen
When coaching someone on masturbation or getting to know her body, one of the most frequent questions I’m asked is, “I don’t even know what you’re supposed to do. How do I do it? What do I do? Where do you learn this?!” Often this phase of self-discovery is scary, frustrating and overwhelming. It’s also very simple. You just “do” whatever feels good. Listen to your body. She knows what she wants and what she likes, she’s just trying to teach it to your brain. There are a couple of things you’re going to need to be ready to discover your bright new world.
Here are some things you’ll need to ensure that you’re safe and protected and ready for the adventure. First, a lubricant is the #1 most important thing EVER. This is the biggest lesson you’ll learn! There are some things that should never be touched with a bare hand… or a bare anything, really. Sadly, many of us weren’t educated about lubricant and we associate it with the annual peek-a-boo visits at the doctor that we all loathe… Normally they use KY Jelly, which should never touch you, ever. That’s lube filled with toxic chemicals and it’s not great for intimate play because it’s sticky, tacky and dries up. I highly recommend our Silk Hybrid Lubricant! It’s body safe, feels phenomenal and completely protects your most intimate areas from friction. You’ll be silky and be able to feel the many incredible sensations!
- O Gel Clitoral Arousal Gel will also help with
Learn
Make sure you are following Beauty and the Boudoir’s Facebook Page – May is National Masturbation Month and you won’t want to miss the daily facts and stats!