How would I describe kink to an everyday person that has lived under a rock for the last decade? I will not use “that” movie or book series as a reference because it is extremely inaccurate and it is an insult to this community that I call my happy place. Primarily because “that” movie did not express the need for informed consent or transparency in communication between partners. Sorry rant over, for now, let’s talk about sandwiches. Bare with me and this analogy, over the next few posts. I promise I will explain or be happy to answer questions to make this writing better. But please read in its entirety.
Imagine a play session or scene is like a sandwich. Each person has their own expectations of what a sandwich is by definition. Ingredients are like kinks in that each person has likes and dislikes. There are ingredients that have been discussed on cooking shows (porn) that we find interesting, but we don’t know how to include them. The ingredients we know outright are just not our idea of appetizing or have left a bad taste in our mouths, lol, are our soft limits. Ingredients that might be improved in preparation and technique, with different combinations, or as we build more trust for each other. Hard limits would be the ingredients that have caused an allergic reaction (trigger) and the non-food items that don’t belong on sandwiches. I don’t want to dwell on the negative, non-food ingredients: Death, Rape, Animals, Kids, Incest, Permanent Injury, Illegal Activities, etc.
Have you ever had a Monte Cristo prepared so perfectly that it rocked your world? This has now become your favorite sandwich of ALL time. Obviously, it is not something you can enjoy every day because it would cease to be special, the preparation is exhausting, and who’s to say every bistro can replicate the perfection. When we are hungry and need to eat “now!”, why would we go through all the hassle? Sometimes you just want the comfort of a grilled cheese with tomato soup. Or feeling overwhelmed in life and want a PB&J with your blankie and stuffy.
If you are wanting to explore with a partner some kinky play, I mean sandwich making: take it slow, go with what you know, and build on from there. The discussion needs to equal between partners, you are sharing this sandwich after all. Both need to be aware of all risks associated with an ingredient, what to do if something goes wrong, and how to evaluate for a better sandwich next time. I stress communication because mind-reading is not everyone’s strong suit. I will not know that spicy food (impact play) might be enjoyable now but acid reflux (bruises) later might cause a ruckus at work. A little extra preparation and aftercare can reduce the acid reflux to negate the drama. Discuss what needs to be done and by whom for that messy spicy sandwich clean-up, no one likes to sleep in the wet spot.
Psst! By the way, our Silky Sheets can dry up any wet spot that could occur with “cooking”… 😉 https://beautyandtheboudoir.com/product/silky-sheets/
Stay tuned for the next installment: What do you want on your kinky sandwich?
Have Safe, Sane, and Consensual Fun,
Winter Phoenix
I can be reached at WinterPhoenixGoals@gmail.com or on Kik WinterPhenix
Fantastic analogy, Winter! Keep up the good work!
@Sarah Thank you!